Statement of purpose

This is a Master of Computer Science Statement of purpose essay. I have attached a draft of the essay I want to be rephrased and improved upon.

I want the following changes:

1. Keep the word limit to 750 words max.
2. Use my story in the starting paragraphs but make it catchy.
3. Don’t alter the technical stuff.
4. Rephrase the complete essay to sound more cohesive and complete.
5. The essay should adhere to the instructions in the prompt I am attaching.
6. The reader should be highly convinced of my desire to study for the Master’s program.