ASSIGNMENT- fix correction FROM THE PROFESSOR
LOOK AT THE ATTACHMENT NAMED CORRECTION-
overall the essay needs more supporting data
page 1-
Nice introduction.
page 2 –
This is a bit long winded. Please shorten to be more concise.
Too many unsupported claims in this part. Please research and cite the support and evidence for these claims.
page 3-
indent for new para.
Please do not mix hypoxia, psychophysiological challenges and stress. Keep them apart and / or transition from one topic to the next so that your readers can follow your reasoning.
This is a stretch and not stress related. If oxygen fails at that altitude, stress is a secondary problem.
I do not understand this sentence.
This claim needs support.
page 4-
This page is mostly verbiage. It is not scholarly because it is not based on literature; thus it should not be part of a literature review.
page 5-
Is this the support for all of the above or just for the last sentence?
Mostly verbiage. Your readers will not understand what the point is.
I am not sure what your point is here. Why is there a growing concern if the data shows a minimal relationship?
This is simply not true. The purpose of oxygen and cabin pressure is exactly designed not to expose pilots to hypoxia.
The way this sentence is put is untrue. Please conduct more research.
page 6-
Here you are jumping around from topic to topic with almost every new sentence and without supporting evidence.
I do not understand this sentence.
verbiage.
page 7-
In the conclusion, you repeat many of the unsupported claims throughout your paper, which does not make them more convincing.
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