My stance is against plus/minus grading. The essay needs to be in MLA format. Citations need work and my conclusion needs work. My rough draft is included
Overall Feedback
Even though it is clear where the information comes from, you need a works cited page that lists the sources you used in the paper. Also, use MLA format for your in-text citations. You are currently using APA.
When we come to content, you have done a great job in guiding the reader through the argument you are making. Go through this again an double check that not only you provide evidence, but that you also explain that evidences’ relevance and significance (ex. the paragraph that straddles pages 1 and 2)
Avoid using cliches such as “In this day and age…” Be direct. Develop more context for the topic in your opening paragraph and build to a specific thesis statement.
Similarly, the conclusion should serve two functions: 1. Reiterate your main points (“wrap up” the paper) and 2. Leave the reader with some final thought or statement about the topic.
This is a very strong essay. Work on the areas I mentioned and this can be an effective revised draft.
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